Noises


In 2016, this story was included in issue #22 of PUSH magazine, a London-based publication.
You can find out more about the magazine here: here


and I was sittin on the bus on my own near the front bothering no cunt but there was noise just so much fucking noise I had brought a book even though holding it gives me the sore hands and I can never concentrate anyway pointless even trying to on here all this fucking racket this young couple right behind me well not young but not old but they are a couple because I heard them kiss yet when I turn to one side I can see the boyfriend tryin to get a look down my top the rat why are they like that why she’s right there right fucking next to him as he is having a peek but then she’s a halfwit anyway you can tell by how they’re rabbiting this absolute pish I mean honestly complete fucking horseshite of the highest order speakin like they were characters in a soap opera an American one at that fucking daft accents and stupid stupid lines the silly talk of them though I know better than tae turn round and tell them tae rap it in no not in this part of town that was a sure way tae get a header in the face or a knife poked in between your ribs they were probably drugdealers christ definitely fucking psychos I bet they go meet up with other couples and have square-go’s in an underpass somewhere that was where this was all heading so no thanks not my scene so whatever so by my reckoning there was only three other people on this bus and they were all sat further back a baldy fat businessman guy I mean a real fat fucking monstrous Moby-Dick whalemeat bastard who’d also took a good long barefaced look at the front of my top when he came on thinking I wouldn’t say anything coz he’s a bigshot businessman and I didn’t say anything but I should have done why didn’t I well maybe I still would and there was a young lassie as well my age or younger with her wean a wee lassie they were already here when I got on while the fat cunt fat as fuck only came on at the last stop can still hear the music fae his headphones too loud far too fucking loud the inconsiderate fucking prick it’s fucking noise pollution is what it is inflicting it on cunts in an enclosed space should write to my fucking MSP and it’s shite music anyway pure shite dance bollocks the bad kind fucking fat rat boy give me Stevie Wonder any day of the week ye cannot beat a wee bit of Stevie a child is born in hardtime Mississippi eh it is brilliant it is pure brilliant can’t mind the next line of course I cant because ye cant fucking think in here that’s why and no wonder eh Stevie haha no wonder coz it’s the noise on here it’s the noise nobody could concentrate no human brain could fucking function properly and it’s the wean that’s the worst it's above everything else the lassie and her fucking wean it must be sitting up there next to her it keeps fucking greetin and screamin greetin and screamin it’s driving me mental absolutely fucking mad fucking mental aaaahhhhhh and the lassie’s doing nothin about it nothing at all I cannae hear her talkin tae it or calmin it down no she’s not sayin anythin nae soft words nae scoldin just nothin nothin just nothin why oh fuckin why doesnt she do a fucking thing why why why but that's what they're like she's probably too busy lookin at her phone readin her messages sendin photos ignorin the wee thing the poor wee annoyin whinin cunt och that isny fair it must be upset so upset she should be seein to it helpin it sortin whatever’s wrong but she isny she’ll be on that bloody phone that’s what she’ll be doin these young mothers eh same age as me except am no a mother but I’d have been a better one than her and anyway that fuckin noise is terrible so it is it’s terrible the moanin on and on and on and on



the hospital stop and the fat fuck gets off the headphones music gettin louder as he passes by and aye I see him look again but can’t even be bothered givin him a stare enjoy it ya bastard it’s the closest you’ll ever get the harpoons are comin for you boy and the music fades as he gets near tae the door and ye can feel the bus breathin this sigh of relief once the old suspension isn’t having to handle Moby’s gut anymore sssssssssssssssss relaxxx haha and the couple get off next still bletherin their horrible horrible garbage fucking crap and as they go she actually gives me a wee smile and I’m not sure why or what to do so just return it then look down to the floor in case they’re trying to get a reaction from me but what reaction maybe they’re not drugdealers maybe he’s a pervert and they want me to go home with them so her and me can pretend to kiss and go down on each other for him to watch and then they’ll keep me tied up in their fucking shed fuck knows you never know but then the bus door hisses again and it’s just me and the younglooking maw and the wean left and I feel like turnin round and tellin her to fucking get it seen to seriously ya unfit mother fucking cow naw no even that it’s called just having a fucking heart ye know you should try it sometime callous fucking boot know what I’m saying it must be in pain makin a din like this for so long I mean it was so so long and how long was it goin on for before I even got on this fucking bus think of that it’s surprising that the wee bastard I mean the wee blighter has any tears left tae cry coz how much water can one wee body have in it ye know it canny be that much it canny it's a sin a fucking sin unless it was just at the fanny but eh fucking at it kiddin on fucking fakin it like just a spoiled wee shite pretendin tae cry and so the maw’s worked out that ignorin it is the best way tae show that kind of patter will get ye nowhere fast no no not with her but naw it really canny be that this isny somebody faking it because there is pain in that greetin there is a want for something a fucking sadness and ye canny fake that feeling it's a wee sad person needing its maw for christsake coz a wean needs it maw ye know if anybody needs its maw it’s a fucking wean know what I’m fuckin sayin but when the bus stops outside the pub the lassie she just walks down and gets off she gets off she just fucking gets off she's out the door I cannae believe it she's gone and leaving the wean still up the back and I’m watchin her go expectin the wee yin tae run after her and jump off before the doors shut but then we’re movin again we're movin and I’m bangin on the window fuckin bangin on it with my fist shoutin fuckin screamin yer wean yer wean ye’ve left yer fuckin wean ya bitch ya rotten bitch ya rotten bitch ye but the lassie looks up as if she doesny know what the fuckin problem is then she’s away the other way and cannae hear me because the bus is acceleratin up the hill and the wean the wean the wean I don’t know what tae do what tae do what do ye do she’s abandoned her fuckin wean and I can still hear it but quieter now really quiet whimperin like a wee dog like it’s feart of course it’s fuckin feart I’m fuckin feart tae I go up the back holdin the handrails and nearly fallin and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK the wean is only whimperin but that isny the wean this is me it’s ma head ma skull and that’s what am hearin like on the inside AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so I must be doin it myself but I cannae help it I cannae help it fuckin AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA get a fuckin hold of yerself get a hold so I do I do I go round every single seat and I can’t see it I can’t find it oh it’s greeting but I can’t see anythin on that bus except for me and then the driver but ye can’t even see him coz he’s in his wee cubicle thing and there’s no way it could’ve slipped past without me noticin unless it’s hidin under the seats so I grab the handrail tight and bend down and look right round one way then the other hello hello where are ye but it’s no there there’s nobody there there isn’t anybody there there isn’t anybody fucking anywhere AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA there the feeling is again the noise but what the fuck what the actual fuck can the lassie have been playin a trick on me but why why would she and how or could I have imagined it naw naw that’s just a fucking made-up thing mad bastards hearing things that areny there it just doesny happen in real life it doesny it’s never happened tae anybody I know it’s never happened tae me anyway except this one time I suppose but not really not really it was when I woke up dead early in the mornin because I felt a cat jumpin up on my quilt honestly clear as day I didn’t have a cat at the time but it must have got into the flat somehow coz ye never know with cats and I was underneath the quilt and I felt it I got a fright coz I felt it I really did feel it these four wee feet four wee paws these four wee legs all wobblin about on the covers above me tryin tae get me up and I was awake then and jumped out the bed and there was fuck all there but that was different tae this it wasny even the same at all


it screamed











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